He wasn’t spending time with his kids
Q.
I’m a 46-year-old woman who broke up with boyfriend about two months ago. We were together almost three years.
The reason for the breakup was that we spent all of our time together. He doesn’t spend time with his kids and wants to do everything with me.
I’ve been saying, “Spend time with your kids!” He’s only had quality time with them about three times since I’ve been with him. He has three teens and they live with him sometimes. They’ll come home and work. They don’t seem to have friends. He has cameras all over the house, which makes it seem like friends can’t come over.
I feel so bad for those kids, and they don’t have much of a relationship with their mother either. I didn’t see this getting better, but I’m heartbroken.
– Heartbroken
A.
It sounds like you’ve made a decision – and the right one. You could not join him in a life of being present but absent.
You haven’t asked a real question here, but I assume you want validation? Someone to tell you it’s as sad as it feels? Well, it is. You’re going to grieve this relationship and be so disappointed that it couldn’t be more. It will be unpleasant. There might be some anger and confusion.
But I imagine there might also be some relief. You’ve been thinking about his parenting style for a long time, hoping it might change, wanting him to do things differently. Now you won’t have to watch it. You’ll be able to use your time to be around people who share your values. You just have to find them.
I say this a lot to people, but good company is key. If you can find one friend – maybe someone you haven’t seen in a while because you’ve been with this man – you might have a great time and begin to grow a new routine.
All of this will still be sad, but you’ll have eyes on different things. Happy things.
Good for you for making difficult choices. Now it’s time to build for yourself.
– Meredith
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